讓人噴飯的英語笑話（精選9篇）
笑話來源于生活，卻又可以讓我們的生多些歡樂、開心，現在，一起來開心爆笑下。以下是小編整理的讓人噴飯的英語笑話，僅供參考，大家一起來看看吧。
讓人噴飯的英語笑話 1
A Bad Impression
一個壞印象
My husband and I are both writers. During dinner conversations, we often tell our childrenabout our working days. It wasnt clear how much they absorbed until one day I overheard myseven-year- old, Lucy, cry out in frustration at her five-year-old sister, Charlotte, "You, you...you editor!"
我丈夫和我都是作家。晚夕談話中，我們經常給孩子們談到我們的工作。沒人清楚他們聽懂了多少。直到有一天，我偶然聽到七歲的'女兒盧希煩惱地向她五歲的妹妹喊道：“你，你----你這個編輯!”
讓人噴飯的英語笑話 2
Expensive Advice
昂貴的建議
The doctor finally reached his table at a dinner, after breaking away from a woman who soughtadvice on a health problem.
大夫在打發走了一個就健康問題向他咨詢的婦女之后，最后來到餐桌上。
"Do you think I should send her a bill?" the doctor asked a lawyer who sat next to him.
“你認為我應該向她收費嗎?”大夫問坐在身邊的`一個律師。
"Why not?" the lawyer replied. "You rendered professional services by giving advice."
“有什么不應該?”律師答道，“你通過提建議提供了職業性服務。”
"Thanks," the physician said. "I think Ill do that."
“謝謝，”大夫說道，“看來我得這么做。”
When the doctor went to his office the next day to send the bill to the woman, he found aletter from the lawyer. It read:
第二天當大夫去辦公室給那位婦女寫賬單時，他收到律師的一封信。信中寫道：
"For legal services, $50."
“請付法律服務費50美元。”
讓人噴飯的英語笑話 3
But the teacher cried
老師哭了
The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled.
六歲的約翰嬌生慣養。
His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wantedanything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum. Then came his first day of school, his firstday away from his grandmothers loving arms.
他的父親知道這一點，可他的祖父母仍然寵著他。這孩子幾乎寸步不離他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是鬧。他第一天上學才離開祖母的`懷抱。
When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.
約翰放學了，他奶奶在門口接他并問道：
"Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? did you cry?"
“學校怎么樣?你過的好嗎?哭了沒有?”
"Cry?" John asked. "No, I didnt cry, but the teacher did!"
“哭?”約翰問，“不，我沒哭，可老師哭了。”
讓人噴飯的英語笑話 4
A man tried to get a job in a stage show.
一個人想在一個舞臺劇中找份工作。
"What can you do?" asked the producer.
“你能干什么呢?”負責人問。
"Imitate birds," the man said.
“模仿鳥兒，”那人說。
"Are you kidding?" answered the producer, "People like that are a dime a dozen."
“你在開玩笑吧?”負責人答道，“那樣的人一毛錢可以找一打。”
"Well, I guess thats that." said the actor, as he spread his arms and flew out the window.
“噢，那就算了。”那名演員說著，展開翅膀，飛出了窗口。
讓人噴飯的英語笑話 5
The Vacuum Cleaner Salesman（吸塵器推銷員）
A vacuum cleaner salesman came to my door, poured a bag of dog shit on my carpet and said: "Sir, if this vacuum cant clean it completely, Ill eat whatevers left."
I said: "I hope youre hungry cause they cut off the electricity this morning."
中文翻譯：
一個吸塵器推銷員上門，往我地毯上倒了一袋狗屎，說：“先生，要是這吸塵器吸不干凈，剩下的我全吃了。”
我答：“那你可得餓壞了 —— 今早停電了啊。”
讓人噴飯的英語笑話 6
The Clever Student（機靈學生）
Teacher: "Whoever answers my next question can go home early."
One boy immediately throws his schoolbag out the window.
Teacher: "Who just did that?!"
Boy: "Me! Now Im going home!"
中文翻譯：
老師：“誰能答出我下一個問題，就能提前放學。”
一個男生立刻把書包扔出窗外。
老師：“誰干的？！”
男生：“我！現在我要回家啦！”
讓人噴飯的英語笑話 7
Marriage Math（婚姻數學題）
Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "Aw, thats sweet! What does it mean?"
Husband: "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Fashionable, Gorgeous, Hot."
Wife: "But what about IJK?"
Husband: "Im Just Kidding!"
中文翻譯：
妻子：“你會怎么形容我？”
丈夫：“ABCDEFGHIJK。”
妻子：“哇，好甜！是什么意思呀？”
丈夫：“迷人的、漂亮的、可愛的、討人喜歡的、優雅的、時髦的、驚艷的、火辣的`。”
妻子：“那 IJK 呢？”
丈夫：“我只是在開玩笑（Im Just Kidding）！”
讓人噴飯的英語笑話 8
The Goldfish Plan（金魚飼養計劃）
Stan: "I won 92 goldfish at the fair!"
Fred: "Where are you gonna keep them?"
Stan: "In the bathroom."
Fred: "But what if you need to take a bath?"
Stan: "Ill blindfold them!"
中文翻譯：
斯坦：“我在游園會贏了 92 條金魚！”
弗雷德：“你打算放哪兒養啊？”
斯坦：“浴室里。”
弗雷德：“那你要洗澡的時候咋辦？”
斯坦：“我把它們眼睛蒙起來不就行了！”
讓人噴飯的英語笑話 9
The Cemetery Manager（墓地管理員）
Friend: "My uncle has 1000 people working under him. Hes such a big shot!"
Me: "Wow, what does he do?"
Friend: "Hes a maintenance man in a cemetery."
中文翻譯：
朋友：“我叔叔手下有 1000 號人干活，他可太牛了！”
我：“哇，他是做啥的？”
朋友：“他是墓地的管理員。”
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