英語笑話匯編
導語：通過閱讀英語笑話，可以幫助大家的英語學習，提高大家的影院水平哦。以下是小編整理的英語笑話，歡迎各位的閱讀與參考。
英語笑話1：三只烏龜
Three turtles decided to have a cup of coffee.
三只烏龜決定去喝咖啡。
Just as they got into the cafe, it started to rain.
它們剛到咖啡店的門口，就下起雨來。
The biggest turtle said to the smallest one, " Go home and get the umbrella."
于是最大的那只烏龜對最小的烏龜說，“你回家去取傘吧�！�
The little turtle replied, "I will, if you don't drink my offee."
最小的烏龜說，“如果你們不把我的咖啡喝了，我就去�！�
"We won't," the other two promised.
“我們不喝，”另外兩只烏龜答應(yīng)說。
Two years later the big turtle said to the middle turtle, "Well, I guess he isn't coming back, so we might as well drink his coffee."
兩年后，大烏龜對中烏龜說，“好吧，我猜他肯定不回來了，我們可以把它的咖啡喝掉了。”
Just then a voice called from outside the door, "If you do, I won't go."
正在這時，一個聲音從門外傳來，“你們要是喝了，我就不去�！�
英語笑話2：送禮
A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sum of money was talking to his lawyer.
一個被告卷入了一樁牽涉大筆資金的訴訟案，他去找他的律師。
A:If I lose this case, I'll be ruined.
如果我輸了這場官司，我就完了。
B:It's in the judge's hand now.
這事掌握在法官的手上。
A:Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?
如果我給法官送一箱雪茄，會不會起點作用?
B:Oh.no !This judge is a stickler for ethical behavior.A turu like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hald you in contempt of coun. in fact.you shouldn't even smile ai the judge.
哦.不會的!這位法官很固執(zhí)，非常注意職業(yè)道德。這種花招只會讓他對你產(chǎn)生偏見，他甚至會認為你蔑視法庭。事實上，你甚至都不用對他微笑。
With in the course of time,the judge wndered a decision in favor of the defendant.As the defendanL leR the counhouae,
最后，法官作了一個有利于被告的判決，當被告離開法院時。
A:Thanks for the tip about the cigars.It worked.
謝謝你關(guān)于雪茄的忠告，這很管用。
B:I'm sure we wodd have lost the caae if you'd sent them.
如果你送了的話，我肯定會輸?shù)暨@場官司。
A:But did send them.
但是我的確送了。
B:What? You did?!
什么?你送了?!
A:Yes.That's how we won the case.
對，這就是我們會贏這場官司的原因。
B:I don't understand.
我不明白。
A:It's easy.I sent the cigars to the judge,but enclosed the plaintiff's business card.
這很簡單，我把雪茄送到了法官那里，但是附上了原告的一張名片。
英語笑話3：吝嗇鬼的餐會
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"
一個聲名狼藉的小氣鬼終于決定要請一次客了。他在向一個朋友解釋怎么找到他家時說：“你上到五樓，用你的.胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了后，再用你的腳把門推開�！�
“為什么我要用我的肘和腳呢?”
“天哪!” 吝嗇鬼回答，“你總不會空著手來吧?”
英語笑話4：真尷尬啊
On my first day of classes at my university I took a front-row seat in my literature course.
大學的第一天，文學課我坐在了前排。
The professor told us we would be responsible for reading five books, and that he would provide us with a list of authors from which we could choose.
教授告訴我們這學期必須得讀五本書，他提供我們可供選擇的作者名單。
Then he ambled over to the lectern, took out his class book and began, "Baker, Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook..."
隨后他緩步走上講臺，拿出課本，“貝克、布萊克、布魯斯、卡特、庫克…”
I was working feverishly to get down all the names when I felt a tap on my shoulder. The student in back of me whispered, "He's taking attendance."
為了寫下所有的名字，我不得不瘋狂的作著記錄。這時有人輕輕的拍我肩膀，坐在我后面的學生悄悄告訴我：“他在點名呢�！�
英語笑話5：又要結(jié)婚了
"So you want another day off,”snorted the teacher to his student，Tom.“I am anxious to hear what excuse you have this time. You have been off for your grandfather's funeral four times already.”
“這么說，你又要請一天假，”老師怒氣沖沖地對他的學生湯姆說，“我倒想知道你這次找什么借口。你已經(jīng)請了四次假說去參加你爺爺?shù)脑岫Y�！�
Tom replied，"Today my grandma is getting married again.”
湯姆回答說:“今天是我奶奶再次舉行婚禮�！�
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